Today will be a good day.
Ill go to bed pleased, and wake up tomorrow with hope.
CW: 114
I dont really give a fuck about the doctor. Im going to try and convince my mom not to make me go back there. Its illogical and fucked up. As long as Im healthy, it shouldnt matter how I compare to other 14 year olds. I hate people getting in my buisness, and Im not going back there.
So right now, Im just chilling. Going to make some jello & go on the treadmill in a bit.
I told my dad to stop calling me babe yesterday.
And now, Im starting to feel hungry.
Hunger is control
And control is thin.
Im not losing weight, Im getting rid of it forever.
From now, I am vowing to myself I will never be above 115 ever again. I believe I can be 107 by camp. I just have to really try hard. I think Im going to go downstairs and make some jello now.
I really hate confrontation. and the doctor. I told my mom the chart is bullshit, and Im not going in august. Im just not.
Todays +'s
exercise- 268 burned
4 glasses of water.
Hellz Yeah. In 4.5 hours I will no longer be a middle schooler.
No longer at that fucking school. HAHAHA, jack my swag.
and i'm proud of myself for figuring out how to put the straps on my bra so that they dont show through my shirt.
this summer is going to be better than I thought. I feel good today.
Ill feel better once i reject all the food at school. so here is my plan for today:
get back from school, throw my stuff down and do a jig.
get my computer, go downstairs, treadmill and sims. go until i work off 250 calories.
go upstairs, watch tv & clean up (burns calories), shower & watch project runway marathon.
then i've got a doctors appointment. they wont say anything about my weight most likely because its only like 5 lbs less than when they weighed me in august.
but i dont really want to hear my weight after everything this past week. im hoping for 107 by camp. i dont really mind as long as i fit in my clothes. before school starts i could lose a maximum of 15 lbs. i probably wont need it, but its ok knowing that i can. i want 102. and if im 107 by camp, ill be like 112 once i get back. im probably already a 2/26 in jeans, and not much will change, so ill probably just go to the mall with laura later on this week. thursday, maybe? no, friday, no thursday, so i wont have to eat dinner. then friday i can get away with not eating dinner. itll be a 2.5 day fast. or i could continue it onto the weekend.
k, so after the dr's appt. ill come back, make pancakes, fruit salad & dip, and watch something on e. then i get to watch e news, and play sims/shop online/browse the internet.
and ill stay up really late, and drink mio with my swirly straw.
i think tomorrow, ill to to target or something, to buy food to cook & some clothes, and toiletries. or maybe i'll do that some other time. like next monday. tomorrow i'll chill (17 again & treadmill) paint my nails, thursday, the mall, friday, chill. oohhh- and maybe read one of my old books, twelve or fat girls dont eat chocolate cookies.
my room smells like spoiled milk & im so pissed off right now. i look really bad today. all the more reason to keep this up. and i can do it and be happy.
FUCK YEAH! WHO'S A FRESHMAN?
on the treadmill now. millionare matchmaker marathon.
ive found my new favorite lowcal food. marshmallow fluff. 20 calories/1 tbs.
but such a great way to end the year. at the beginning of the day, they took my bag. and at the end, claire & my bag were missing, and they couldnt find it. so we were told we had to come back to school & look for it. so i just got on the bus & it was there.
but its so amazing to think IM NEVER GOING BACK THERE AGAIN. FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKK YYYYYYYYEEEEEESSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!
& im going to the mall w/ laura on thursday & then kings dominion on sunday.
today i thought i looked really bad, and i did. but at least i didnt look like those people who stuff themselves in tight short shorts. i know i looked better than them. but i wont be happy until i look like silvia or zoe.
but im going to go on the treadmill until i burn like 500 or so for the day. im still getting myself back on track.
kinda proud of myself now. ive got 200 calories to burn off now. typically, i want to eat:
gum 3X15
rocket pop 1x35
jello 2x20
fluff 1x20
.5 cane 1x25
thats 165 calories. and candy or other food if neccesary. and dinner should be around 200 calories.
so ill burn 500 every day.
k, sounds perfect.
oh, and i have to go to the dr soon. but i feel hungry. and i love it. but im not going to weigh myself tomorrow, but on thursday. with no expectations. im going to guess that imma be around 112. 13 days until camp. and im betting a 5lbs lost (from 112). but i have to work hard for it.
ooohhh, and i just thought. this is so easy because i have no friends. its the truth, and im grateful, but next year, it wont happen.
now i feel like shit. and a fat fuck. i look absolutely terrible. really bad. im going to go to 95 lbs. and maybe up to 98 or so, i dont know, however long it takes to look like silvia. but i wont be a fat fuck anymore. i cant stand this.
I AM SO FUCKING PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW. I WANT TO PUNCH MY FIST THROUGH A WALL. I HAD THAT LITTLE GULP THING IN MY THROAT AND COULDNT SHAKE IT.
yesterday, my mom told me i was going to the doctor, and i didnt think much of it. how naiive of me.
i thought last time i was there, i was 118. but of course, i was 128. so the lady told me i had a drastic weight loss, and i couldnt lose that much without trying and shit like that. she asked what i normally eat and shit and told me she will check with me in mid august to see where i am with my weight. FUCK MY MOM. WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT? IM SO FUCKING PISSED OFF. this sets me back so far.
i really wasnt feeling well on the way there. and now, there is no fucking way i am cooking for them. such a great end-of-year treat. being harrassed about my weight by some overweight doctor. like all of them there.
i am going to keep going, and after camp i want to be 112 when i step on that scale. itll be like 2 weeks out of camp, and if im 113 by the end, i can be 107 by then. and i need to somehow magically weigh more when i step on that scale. to achieve this i will:
paint several coats on my nails
wear 2 pairs of leggings, one pairs of shorts, and a big pair of jeans
and 2 bras, 5 painsunderwear, 4 camis, a t-shirt & a cardigan
wear a belt, carry phone, and wear accesories
drink loads of water before
shower before
put coins in pockets
carry phone & ipod
eat before
not shave
weigh myself before on home scale to check how much i've "gained"
i should really test this out soon. except for the eating part. however much i've "gained" wait.
i think i can do 111. if i can gain 3.5 lbs with tricking the scale, then i can be 107.5, but i need to check before.
and as soon as the appointment is done, im going back to not eating for the next few weeks. if im not happy where i am before school starts, the first two weeks i can continue with this. but if i have 21 days to lose 10 lbs that should be enough.
since i refused to cook, my dad brought home subway. and hopefully he isnt just sitting there, facing the kitchen playing WoW. i hate it when he does that.
but its so illogical how the doctor is measuring height & weight
wow, things are really pissing me off lately. i think i might be bi(polar)
like today:
i went downstairs and my dad was obnoxiously eating his subway sandwhich and the news reports some story that they are going to charge you to use the kiosk at the airport and he yells "NO!" with his mouth full
my mom was really obnoxiously chewing gum at the doctors
the newborns screaming at the doctors
those kids at the doctors who kept complaining about how long it was taking
but anyways, i was saying, its really illogical how the doctor measures weight. she has a chart for like "age 14" and if she sees the height 5'5, and its taller than 75% of the average 14 year old, than your weight has to be around 75% more than the average 14 year old. and i just love how my mom tried to play it off as if she did nothing wrong. she told me it was "just an annual check up" yet before it starts, she goes outside to have a chat with the doctor about her concerns before the checkup.
ugh. tomorrow will be better than today. i say that everyday. but at least i burned off everything. tomorrow, ill make some jello, have gum, popsicle & candy cane. i'll be on a liquid fast. i think that'll help me process that im not supposed to eat.
so tomorrow, ill wake up, chill, then watch keeping up (marathon from 8 to 12) & walk on the treadmill.(mio/ popsicle/jello)
then "get lunch" and clean room (mio/ gum)
supernanny marathon & shower (popsicle/jello)
supernanny, paint nails & sims (mio)
make apple crisp & pancakes
watch e news upstairs (popsicle/jello/mio)
1.5 antm & treadmill (mio)
.5 antm upstairs (popsicle/jello/mio)
record ladies detective agency/e investigates
watch what happens in vegas upstairs (mio)
and i will follow this or else i will nom. sounds perfect :) i have to do this like everyday, because its not like i have much else to do. we aren't traveling, i have no friends, i cant drive, i dont have money, im too large to go shopping or out to eat which is why i cant hang out with the two friends i have, there isnt anywhere to go here. dont get me wrong, im happy with staying inside, it would just be nice to have some friends.
so later on this summer, i have to: watch sydney white & walk, watch 17 again & walk, & watch shes the man & walk. and how i met your mother.
i need to record:
toddlers & tiaras, great state of georgia,
Report
No longer at that fucking school. HAHAHA, jack my swag.
and i'm proud of myself for figuring out how to put the straps on my bra so that they dont show through my shirt.
this summer is going to be better than I thought. I feel good today.
Ill feel better once i reject all the food at school. so here is my plan for today:
get back from school, throw my stuff down and do a jig.
get my computer, go downstairs, treadmill and sims. go until i work off 250 calories.
go upstairs, watch tv & clean up (burns calories), shower & watch project runway marathon.
then i've got a doctors appointment. they wont say anything about my weight most likely because its only like 5 lbs less than when they weighed me in august.
but i dont really want to hear my weight after everything this past week. im hoping for 107 by camp. i dont really mind as long as i fit in my clothes. before school starts i could lose a maximum of 15 lbs. i probably wont need it, but its ok knowing that i can. i want 102. and if im 107 by camp, ill be like 112 once i get back. im probably already a 2/26 in jeans, and not much will change, so ill probably just go to the mall with laura later on this week. thursday, maybe? no, friday, no thursday, so i wont have to eat dinner. then friday i can get away with not eating dinner. itll be a 2.5 day fast. or i could continue it onto the weekend.
k, so after the dr's appt. ill come back, make pancakes, fruit salad & dip, and watch something on e. then i get to watch e news, and play sims/shop online/browse the internet.
and ill stay up really late, and drink mio with my swirly straw.
i think tomorrow, ill to to target or something, to buy food to cook & some clothes, and toiletries. or maybe i'll do that some other time. like next monday. tomorrow i'll chill (17 again & treadmill) paint my nails, thursday, the mall, friday, chill. oohhh- and maybe read one of my old books, twelve or fat girls dont eat chocolate cookies.
my room smells like spoiled milk & im so pissed off right now. i look really bad today. all the more reason to keep this up. and i can do it and be happy.
FUCK YEAH! WHO'S A FRESHMAN?
on the treadmill now. millionare matchmaker marathon.
ive found my new favorite lowcal food. marshmallow fluff. 20 calories/1 tbs.
but such a great way to end the year. at the beginning of the day, they took my bag. and at the end, claire & my bag were missing, and they couldnt find it. so we were told we had to come back to school & look for it. so i just got on the bus & it was there.
but its so amazing to think IM NEVER GOING BACK THERE AGAIN. FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKK YYYYYYYYEEEEEESSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!
& im going to the mall w/ laura on thursday & then kings dominion on sunday.
today i thought i looked really bad, and i did. but at least i didnt look like those people who stuff themselves in tight short shorts. i know i looked better than them. but i wont be happy until i look like silvia or zoe.
but im going to go on the treadmill until i burn like 500 or so for the day. im still getting myself back on track.
kinda proud of myself now. ive got 200 calories to burn off now. typically, i want to eat:
gum 3X15
rocket pop 1x35
jello 2x20
fluff 1x20
.5 cane 1x25
thats 165 calories. and candy or other food if neccesary. and dinner should be around 200 calories.
so ill burn 500 every day.
k, sounds perfect.
oh, and i have to go to the dr soon. but i feel hungry. and i love it. but im not going to weigh myself tomorrow, but on thursday. with no expectations. im going to guess that imma be around 112. 13 days until camp. and im betting a 5lbs lost (from 112). but i have to work hard for it.
ooohhh, and i just thought. this is so easy because i have no friends. its the truth, and im grateful, but next year, it wont happen.
now i feel like shit. and a fat fuck. i look absolutely terrible. really bad. im going to go to 95 lbs. and maybe up to 98 or so, i dont know, however long it takes to look like silvia. but i wont be a fat fuck anymore. i cant stand this.
I AM SO FUCKING PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW. I WANT TO PUNCH MY FIST THROUGH A WALL. I HAD THAT LITTLE GULP THING IN MY THROAT AND COULDNT SHAKE IT.
yesterday, my mom told me i was going to the doctor, and i didnt think much of it. how naiive of me.
i thought last time i was there, i was 118. but of course, i was 128. so the lady told me i had a drastic weight loss, and i couldnt lose that much without trying and shit like that. she asked what i normally eat and shit and told me she will check with me in mid august to see where i am with my weight. FUCK MY MOM. WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT? IM SO FUCKING PISSED OFF. this sets me back so far.
i really wasnt feeling well on the way there. and now, there is no fucking way i am cooking for them. such a great end-of-year treat. being harrassed about my weight by some overweight doctor. like all of them there.
i am going to keep going, and after camp i want to be 112 when i step on that scale. itll be like 2 weeks out of camp, and if im 113 by the end, i can be 107 by then. and i need to somehow magically weigh more when i step on that scale. to achieve this i will:
paint several coats on my nails
wear 2 pairs of leggings, one pairs of shorts, and a big pair of jeans
and 2 bras, 5 painsunderwear, 4 camis, a t-shirt & a cardigan
wear a belt, carry phone, and wear accesories
drink loads of water before
shower before
put coins in pockets
carry phone & ipod
eat before
not shave
weigh myself before on home scale to check how much i've "gained"
i should really test this out soon. except for the eating part. however much i've "gained" wait.
i think i can do 111. if i can gain 3.5 lbs with tricking the scale, then i can be 107.5, but i need to check before.
and as soon as the appointment is done, im going back to not eating for the next few weeks. if im not happy where i am before school starts, the first two weeks i can continue with this. but if i have 21 days to lose 10 lbs that should be enough.
since i refused to cook, my dad brought home subway. and hopefully he isnt just sitting there, facing the kitchen playing WoW. i hate it when he does that.
but its so illogical how the doctor is measuring height & weight
wow, things are really pissing me off lately. i think i might be bi(polar)
like today:
i went downstairs and my dad was obnoxiously eating his subway sandwhich and the news reports some story that they are going to charge you to use the kiosk at the airport and he yells "NO!" with his mouth full
my mom was really obnoxiously chewing gum at the doctors
the newborns screaming at the doctors
those kids at the doctors who kept complaining about how long it was taking
but anyways, i was saying, its really illogical how the doctor measures weight. she has a chart for like "age 14" and if she sees the height 5'5, and its taller than 75% of the average 14 year old, than your weight has to be around 75% more than the average 14 year old. and i just love how my mom tried to play it off as if she did nothing wrong. she told me it was "just an annual check up" yet before it starts, she goes outside to have a chat with the doctor about her concerns before the checkup.
ugh. tomorrow will be better than today. i say that everyday. but at least i burned off everything. tomorrow, ill make some jello, have gum, popsicle & candy cane. i'll be on a liquid fast. i think that'll help me process that im not supposed to eat.
so tomorrow, ill wake up, chill, then watch keeping up (marathon from 8 to 12) & walk on the treadmill.(mio/ popsicle/jello)
then "get lunch" and clean room (mio/ gum)
supernanny marathon & shower (popsicle/jello)
supernanny, paint nails & sims (mio)
make apple crisp & pancakes
watch e news upstairs (popsicle/jello/mio)
1.5 antm & treadmill (mio)
.5 antm upstairs (popsicle/jello/mio)
record ladies detective agency/e investigates
watch what happens in vegas upstairs (mio)
and i will follow this or else i will nom. sounds perfect :) i have to do this like everyday, because its not like i have much else to do. we aren't traveling, i have no friends, i cant drive, i dont have money, im too large to go shopping or out to eat which is why i cant hang out with the two friends i have, there isnt anywhere to go here. dont get me wrong, im happy with staying inside, it would just be nice to have some friends.
so later on this summer, i have to: watch sydney white & walk, watch 17 again & walk, & watch shes the man & walk. and how i met your mother.
i need to record:
toddlers & tiaras, great state of georgia,
So fucking pissed off at myself.
Binge is not even going to be a word in my vocabulary.
From now, no more binges. ever.
Im not weighing myself until next week.
But Im not going to deprive myself if I really want something.
108 by next saturday.
now i feel good. i burned 600 calories on the treadmill & drank like 7 glasses of water. the total for today will probably be:
200 calories- dinner
100 calories- half poptart
225 calories- chicken fried rice
200 calories- bagel
115 calories- 25 (peppermint) 15(gum) 35(rocket pop) 15 (vitamins) 15 (gum) 10 (jello)
150- cookie
thats 960 calories. and for exercise:
900 calories burned already
2:00- ANTM 200 calories
3:00- Tyra 200 calories
4:00 ANTM 200 calories
7:00 E News 200 calories.
there, just whatever it takes to be -500 for the day.
oh, and if i feel like it, ill eat less. ill probably be 112. 5 or so tomorrow, because i shat too. itll be easier to control myself on weekdays, when they arent snaking around on the mid floor, and because i can eat what i want and exercise alot. i like this control :)
but now its kinda fun. playing sims & antm marathon. ok, im not going to have the poptart. i feel like such an animal when i eat. i just wolf it down. i dont remember how many i've burned. either 700 or 800. but i weighed myself and got 115.8. i know its bullshit, but it sucks. it really does.
this really isnt working for me. i need to be more sedentary. im going to just stay in my room for most of the time, unless there is something good on tv, where i'll exercise. eating anything at all is just an invite to wolf everything down. i have to avoid it completly.
im really pissed off at myself again. i think this all being so unstructured is confusing me. so i need to make a plan for the summer. im not going to eat. like at all, other than dinner. if i need to, than popsicles, gum or jello. but nothing solid. solid foods are the enemy. i dont think ill exercise much, because i lose discipline if i do. i wont go for a high negative intake. if i feel like working out, i will. im sick of this cycle. eating just to eat is no longer doing it for me. im honestly sick of food, and hopefully itll show in the next two weeks. yeah, i really dont want to exercise anymore. thats when it all started going bad. once i stop exercising, i'll have control. so ill compose a normal day for me:
wake up around 11, watch gossip girl/fresh prince/ ugly betty for 1.5 hours. then "get lunch" and come back up to my room. play sims & watch a movie. then shower. chill in room. then go downstairs on treadmill or downstairs mid-level & watch tyra. then start to make dinner. go upstairs & watch e news & play sims & go on tumblr. then wash face & brush teeth. drink mio all day. sounds like a plan. weighing myself on thursday. i want 110 on thursday. and 106 or so by camp. i got this far without exercise. 23 lbs down. i guess its hard because i didnt go this far the first time around.
Report
Binge is not even going to be a word in my vocabulary.
From now, no more binges. ever.
Im not weighing myself until next week.
But Im not going to deprive myself if I really want something.
108 by next saturday.
now i feel good. i burned 600 calories on the treadmill & drank like 7 glasses of water. the total for today will probably be:
200 calories- dinner
100 calories- half poptart
225 calories- chicken fried rice
200 calories- bagel
115 calories- 25 (peppermint) 15(gum) 35(rocket pop) 15 (vitamins) 15 (gum) 10 (jello)
150- cookie
thats 960 calories. and for exercise:
900 calories burned already
2:00- ANTM 200 calories
3:00- Tyra 200 calories
4:00 ANTM 200 calories
7:00 E News 200 calories.
there, just whatever it takes to be -500 for the day.
oh, and if i feel like it, ill eat less. ill probably be 112. 5 or so tomorrow, because i shat too. itll be easier to control myself on weekdays, when they arent snaking around on the mid floor, and because i can eat what i want and exercise alot. i like this control :)
but now its kinda fun. playing sims & antm marathon. ok, im not going to have the poptart. i feel like such an animal when i eat. i just wolf it down. i dont remember how many i've burned. either 700 or 800. but i weighed myself and got 115.8. i know its bullshit, but it sucks. it really does.
this really isnt working for me. i need to be more sedentary. im going to just stay in my room for most of the time, unless there is something good on tv, where i'll exercise. eating anything at all is just an invite to wolf everything down. i have to avoid it completly.
im really pissed off at myself again. i think this all being so unstructured is confusing me. so i need to make a plan for the summer. im not going to eat. like at all, other than dinner. if i need to, than popsicles, gum or jello. but nothing solid. solid foods are the enemy. i dont think ill exercise much, because i lose discipline if i do. i wont go for a high negative intake. if i feel like working out, i will. im sick of this cycle. eating just to eat is no longer doing it for me. im honestly sick of food, and hopefully itll show in the next two weeks. yeah, i really dont want to exercise anymore. thats when it all started going bad. once i stop exercising, i'll have control. so ill compose a normal day for me:
wake up around 11, watch gossip girl/fresh prince/ ugly betty for 1.5 hours. then "get lunch" and come back up to my room. play sims & watch a movie. then shower. chill in room. then go downstairs on treadmill or downstairs mid-level & watch tyra. then start to make dinner. go upstairs & watch e news & play sims & go on tumblr. then wash face & brush teeth. drink mio all day. sounds like a plan. weighing myself on thursday. i want 110 on thursday. and 106 or so by camp. i got this far without exercise. 23 lbs down. i guess its hard because i didnt go this far the first time around.
OOOOOHHHH YEEEAAAH
CW:110.8
it wont take long to get under, i dont think. tomorrow, 110.2 or somethin, and tuesday, 109.7 or so. and i wasnt even hungry yesterday, skittles. i just have to be more crafty hiding food. and today, i have to get soup from the harbor.
scratch that. my mom called a "family meeting" which ultimately failed. she had nothing to say, and neither did my dad. we just sat there, in the dining room in silence. they wanted us to give them suggestions on how to improve our living situation.
in other news, treadmill now. my sim owns a daycare, and her kid is at boarding school. and now, she is attending a party. fabulous. i would love to live in simsville. well, bridgeport or whatever its called. my brother refused to go out to dinner with my dad. so im not sure what we are doing for dinner. hopefully, its something i can take upstairs. im really close to 2 days on this "fast" for now, on the treadmill, i want to get to 200, and after my parents go to bed, 350.
so i want my intake/outake, wtf its called to be -500, so right now, ill get up to 250, then after they go to bed, 400. my intake would probably be like 150 or so. i really want to avoid gain at camp, so i have to find new ways. i wouldnt mind doing this afterwards, but i only want it to take like 2 weeks or so, so i can have a social life. maybe ill try going to the mall with rae instead of laura. but i dont know...
i was good all day, until dinner. i couldnt resist the chinese. i keep having doubts about this all. like if i want to finish it all. i have to, because im going to gain once at camp. but i think i just set myself back another day. #so tasty. ill make up for it tomorrow, imma be good.
now i feel like shit. i wish i could avoid food completly. well, i will be able to, next week. ill be able to exercise more, and ill eat liquids. and ill have to get rid of the food asap so i dont eat it. and im not going to purge. not that i've tried. i just cant, and wont. its worse than not eating. im probably around 800 calories or so. i would be on the treadmill, but my dad is downstairs. so ill go back for my big fat greek wedding & keeping up. thats like 2.5 hours, like 500 calories or so? that brings up my total to 750. i'll be happy if im at the same weight tomorrow.
k, feeling better. im almost at 250 calories on the treadmill. my mom just came downstairs and told me it was enough. but im not getting off. at 250, im going upstairs to get a firecracker, and then turning off the treadmill so they dont know how long ive been on for. and hopefully, she wont come down again. she has seen me eat dinner, come down for snacks and i told her i would eat the chinese for lunch. i need to do everything possible to avoid them finding out. once i can exercise all day though, itll be better.
so a 1/2 hour walking at 2.8 miles burns 115 calories. ive already got 500, but if i keep going until 1, then i can burn 1100 for the day. if my total was 900, then i can still maybe lose some. brasome.
now at 750 for the day. but im eating me some chicken fried rice. what i regret eating the most is the butterscotch chips. i didnt realize it had so many calories. 1tbs= 70 calories. i had like a handful.
i can probably burn off most of them today. my magic number will be 104 lbs. and if i get to 108, i have to get the fuck inshape. but lmao, im watching the ms. america pagaent, and it is boring me to tears so i think ill force myself to watch ice loves coco.
quit before my big fat greek wedding. seemed boring. but my tips for tomorrow are: write weight on hand, drink alot, stay in room, and if i must eat: jello, peppermint, rocketpop, gum, or chicken fried rice. and exercise 30 mins after i wake up, @ 3, @7 & after they go to bed. thats 1000 total. 150 for snacks through day, 200 for dinner. each for 250 calories. thats around an hour each time. and now: a cookie.
tomorrow, i must: shower & shave, paint my nails, cook dinner, work on my civics project, clean some (burns calories), play sims, watch 17 again. see, there. too busy to eat.
just enjoyed my last supper. tomorrow is a new day. and the last day of school. marking new beginnings. this will be my new life. young, beautiful, happy and mysterious. this is me. ill create a new blog, because the me that started this in june/july has definetly changed. no more scales. when i see what i like, i'll weigh myself, and then go 3 pounds lower. then im done. there is no time limits. no rush. just until happiness. and confidence. i will be thin forever. not losing weight, getting rid of it forever. i swear, once i get there, im never going through this again.
Report
CW:110.8
it wont take long to get under, i dont think. tomorrow, 110.2 or somethin, and tuesday, 109.7 or so. and i wasnt even hungry yesterday, skittles. i just have to be more crafty hiding food. and today, i have to get soup from the harbor.
scratch that. my mom called a "family meeting" which ultimately failed. she had nothing to say, and neither did my dad. we just sat there, in the dining room in silence. they wanted us to give them suggestions on how to improve our living situation.
in other news, treadmill now. my sim owns a daycare, and her kid is at boarding school. and now, she is attending a party. fabulous. i would love to live in simsville. well, bridgeport or whatever its called. my brother refused to go out to dinner with my dad. so im not sure what we are doing for dinner. hopefully, its something i can take upstairs. im really close to 2 days on this "fast" for now, on the treadmill, i want to get to 200, and after my parents go to bed, 350.
so i want my intake/outake, wtf its called to be -500, so right now, ill get up to 250, then after they go to bed, 400. my intake would probably be like 150 or so. i really want to avoid gain at camp, so i have to find new ways. i wouldnt mind doing this afterwards, but i only want it to take like 2 weeks or so, so i can have a social life. maybe ill try going to the mall with rae instead of laura. but i dont know...
i was good all day, until dinner. i couldnt resist the chinese. i keep having doubts about this all. like if i want to finish it all. i have to, because im going to gain once at camp. but i think i just set myself back another day. #so tasty. ill make up for it tomorrow, imma be good.
now i feel like shit. i wish i could avoid food completly. well, i will be able to, next week. ill be able to exercise more, and ill eat liquids. and ill have to get rid of the food asap so i dont eat it. and im not going to purge. not that i've tried. i just cant, and wont. its worse than not eating. im probably around 800 calories or so. i would be on the treadmill, but my dad is downstairs. so ill go back for my big fat greek wedding & keeping up. thats like 2.5 hours, like 500 calories or so? that brings up my total to 750. i'll be happy if im at the same weight tomorrow.
k, feeling better. im almost at 250 calories on the treadmill. my mom just came downstairs and told me it was enough. but im not getting off. at 250, im going upstairs to get a firecracker, and then turning off the treadmill so they dont know how long ive been on for. and hopefully, she wont come down again. she has seen me eat dinner, come down for snacks and i told her i would eat the chinese for lunch. i need to do everything possible to avoid them finding out. once i can exercise all day though, itll be better.
so a 1/2 hour walking at 2.8 miles burns 115 calories. ive already got 500, but if i keep going until 1, then i can burn 1100 for the day. if my total was 900, then i can still maybe lose some. brasome.
now at 750 for the day. but im eating me some chicken fried rice. what i regret eating the most is the butterscotch chips. i didnt realize it had so many calories. 1tbs= 70 calories. i had like a handful.
i can probably burn off most of them today. my magic number will be 104 lbs. and if i get to 108, i have to get the fuck inshape. but lmao, im watching the ms. america pagaent, and it is boring me to tears so i think ill force myself to watch ice loves coco.
quit before my big fat greek wedding. seemed boring. but my tips for tomorrow are: write weight on hand, drink alot, stay in room, and if i must eat: jello, peppermint, rocketpop, gum, or chicken fried rice. and exercise 30 mins after i wake up, @ 3, @7 & after they go to bed. thats 1000 total. 150 for snacks through day, 200 for dinner. each for 250 calories. thats around an hour each time. and now: a cookie.
tomorrow, i must: shower & shave, paint my nails, cook dinner, work on my civics project, clean some (burns calories), play sims, watch 17 again. see, there. too busy to eat.
just enjoyed my last supper. tomorrow is a new day. and the last day of school. marking new beginnings. this will be my new life. young, beautiful, happy and mysterious. this is me. ill create a new blog, because the me that started this in june/july has definetly changed. no more scales. when i see what i like, i'll weigh myself, and then go 3 pounds lower. then im done. there is no time limits. no rush. just until happiness. and confidence. i will be thin forever. not losing weight, getting rid of it forever. i swear, once i get there, im never going through this again.
K 9:16 AM. just woke up. and im really craving a chocolate chip cookie. i will resist. if i feel like i NEED it later, i will. but i need to get back on track. one of my parents is in the bathroom, so i cant get on the scale :(
im going to go check if they are done. fuck. 112.2. it seems like im going nowhere. i need to fucking get back on track. jello and diet soda for me today.
and my mom is on the main level, and would irritate the hell out of me if i went down to exercise. she is so fucking irritating, she followed me upstairs when i said i didnt know what time i wanted to go to the grocery store. and she stayed for like 10 minutes just asking me when i wanted to go. and she pins the whole thing on me. whatever, im just going to make a grocery list. i think ill make it a thing to fast on weekends, and exercise in the evenings on weekends, after they'vee gone to bed. but during the week, ill exercise my ass off during the day, and maybe eat some. they keep getting in my buisness, and its fucking pissing me off. but i dont even think im going anywhere with this. not if i keep slipping up. but its time to get serious. so badly right now i want to go downstairs, eat 3 giant cookies, bowls of cinnamon toast crunch and pizza, like yesterday, but my mom will fucking piss me off. my dad is also always irritating my brother about playing wow.
i love this feeling right now. i feel so clean, and not full. its so nice like this. i have so much control when im not exercising. so weekend fasts will now become a regular thing. but im kinda nervous that next year, wont be that great. thats my biggest fear right now. and gaining weight back during camp.
i feel awesome actually. just went downstairs and "got some pizza". now, root beer & bruno. and im going grocery shopping in 20 minutes. will not cave in.
treadmill. my mom is out at the store, so im good for a while. she had a bitch fit in the car because we didnt want to go to her friends daughters graduation party. the only reason she could come up with is that they had already paid for it. my mom just doesnt want us to come off as an unhappy family or be embarrased. then later on, she told me i cant shut people out. then i told her she is in no position to give me advice on relationships.we got alot of stuff from the grocery store, a magazine, sims generations, gum & a pushpop. so i've had gum x3 today + some pushpop & vitamins. im guessing like 75 calories. but im not really going to count, just exercise off like 600 calories. i almost ate some pirates booty, but caught myself before i did. and today & tomorrow, i can get away with fasting. but we have to go out to dinner tomorrow. my mom was expecting us to object when she told us in the car, but im going to bring my ipod, and my magazine. i really dont understand my parents. at all. and they obviously dont understand me. the only people who do, would be people who read this, which is hopefully no one. everyone else, just sees parts of me. no one knows about ana. i dont talk to rae about my family. zack, he knows some stuff. laura, i dont talk to about my family, or much else actually. or have sleepovers with her. but back to my parents. all my dad does is be an angry white guy, who wears shoes in the house, cargo shorts, striped shirts and his glasses. he plays WoW as soon as he gets home, and does nothing else other than cook dinner, and hang out with my mom watching Old Adventures of New Christine. and my mom just works all day. ALL DAY. everyday. and they dont talk to their friends, or family, or each other.
when im old, i want to live in NYC with Rae, have an attractive, blanish, sarcastic, funny smart bf, live in a nice apartment, have a small pet, own quirky things, go out clubbing, cook, have a computer, ipod, tv with cable, some spare money, nicely decorated, go shopping once every few weeks, and thats it. i dont really care what my job is as long as im happy. and out of the suburbs. and donate to charity alot.
i really dont get how celebrities can spend so much money mindlessly. its appalling.
when we went to best buy, my mom was going to get my dad an alarm clock w/ an ipod dock (he already has one that works, and he doesnt listen to music), a kindle (he would probably perfer his audio books) or a speaker (he already has one, and doesnt listen to music anyways). i would perfer if we lived in a townhouse, and didnt spend so much money on shit. like really, we dont need 5 bedrooms, a wine storage room, a library and fancy china. i would be content with a bathroom, kitchen, treadmill, bed, tv, minifridge, microwave and a computer.
but its kinda stupid, how just now, after a year, they finally come back to us on getting a dog. i dont even want one at this point. its so much work, and they'll probably just make us do everything, fuss over the dog, bother us about it and shit. and i dont want to have to pick up anyones shit, or leave the house into herndon to walk the thing. i just want a chinchilla.
and my mom is downstairs just walking around.
now im upstairs, watching true life, and my mom just came upstairs. i had a feeling it was coming. i got up here, and the slice of pizza i put in the cabinet was on the table. i think i should write a transcript of what she said
"im starting to get concerned about your lack of eating, drinking a lot of soda and exercising alot. you have lost a significant amount of weight in a short period of time, and im getting concerned."
im shocked she noticed. but to me, it doesnt seem like ive lost that much weight. i see myself everyday, and i dont even see that much of a difference. i only exercised like 130 calories now, and im going to go more once they're gone. and how can she say i havent been eating, because yesterday,she saw me getting a bowl of cereal, and asked if i had gotten food when i was eating pizza. i have to do a better job. she confronted me the first time as well, so i dont know...
i keep thinking about it. i dont know, it keeps coming back to this. but i hope high school will be better. but i have some suspision that it wont be. and that scares me. it really does. i hate leaving the house so much, because i have to face reality. but when im on my computer, and watching movies or whatnot, i feel like im someone else, somewhere else, in different circumstances. im going to install sims generations now. kbye.
sims didnt install, but they're gone now. so sleepover & treadmill for me. i need to somehow leave evidence that i've eaten... hmm. once the movie is over, im going to reorganize the pantry and "get something to eat" i just hate having shit food in there, like A1 sauce, macaroni salad and shit that no one eats or is disgusting. so, yeah. i also just realized that i have to go out for dinner tomorrow. ill probably get spaghetti or something. something big so they cant tell how much ive eaten. and ill get some water. so thats like a 1.5 day fast.
totally chilling right now. made some kool aid, cleaned the pantry. watching project runway.
my parents need to leave the house more often. havent eaten solids all day, and i dont really want to. food just seems so gross to me right now, i dont even want to bother with it. tomorrow, im hoping for 111.5. cleaning burns like 270 calories, and ive burned 400 on the treadmill. ive probably eaten like 170 or so, so -500 intake for today is pretty boss. might walk some more later, but i really dont feel like it. but i made some kool aid. pretty boss. it takes so much splenda, but its so rewarding. very tasty. & 0 calories. i love you splenda.
my mom called, trying to get me to come. and she asked if we wanted mcdonalds. and she asked what i ate. i took the mac & cheese, stuffed it in a wheat thins bag, and put it in the bottom of the trash, while the container is on top. #trickayyy. hardyhardyhar. k, i think ima get more kool aid, recycle & go upstairs.
so at the harbor tomorrow. ill get a cup of soup, and water. and maybe try some appetizers if mom and dad get suspicious. i was looking at the harbors website, and alot of them have soup. its really lowcal, and i can just get a cup of it. sounds good. hopefully they wont want dessert. i can get away with 250 for the day, if they dont want dessert. but ill be back on track for the next day. its 10 44, and they still arent back. im quite surprised. they need to leave more often. more koolaid now.
feeling high off life right now. i love feeling tired. and i just realized, i can probably only get to 105 before camp. even watching what i eat alot, i wont be able to avoid the gain. hopefully, i wont go over 110, but if i do, i need to get my ass in shape. i dont think ill go out as much as i said i would. i like not seeing anyone.i can avoid eating with laura, but not with rae. it would have to be a sleepover with rae, and a binge, a binge would put me off track for a week. so ill just need to get my ass in shape so i can watch movies w/ rae. maybe not kings dominion though. i just cant see it happening. for some reason, i just dont picture it. like going to "field day" @ school...
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im going to go check if they are done. fuck. 112.2. it seems like im going nowhere. i need to fucking get back on track. jello and diet soda for me today.
and my mom is on the main level, and would irritate the hell out of me if i went down to exercise. she is so fucking irritating, she followed me upstairs when i said i didnt know what time i wanted to go to the grocery store. and she stayed for like 10 minutes just asking me when i wanted to go. and she pins the whole thing on me. whatever, im just going to make a grocery list. i think ill make it a thing to fast on weekends, and exercise in the evenings on weekends, after they'vee gone to bed. but during the week, ill exercise my ass off during the day, and maybe eat some. they keep getting in my buisness, and its fucking pissing me off. but i dont even think im going anywhere with this. not if i keep slipping up. but its time to get serious. so badly right now i want to go downstairs, eat 3 giant cookies, bowls of cinnamon toast crunch and pizza, like yesterday, but my mom will fucking piss me off. my dad is also always irritating my brother about playing wow.
i love this feeling right now. i feel so clean, and not full. its so nice like this. i have so much control when im not exercising. so weekend fasts will now become a regular thing. but im kinda nervous that next year, wont be that great. thats my biggest fear right now. and gaining weight back during camp.
i feel awesome actually. just went downstairs and "got some pizza". now, root beer & bruno. and im going grocery shopping in 20 minutes. will not cave in.
treadmill. my mom is out at the store, so im good for a while. she had a bitch fit in the car because we didnt want to go to her friends daughters graduation party. the only reason she could come up with is that they had already paid for it. my mom just doesnt want us to come off as an unhappy family or be embarrased. then later on, she told me i cant shut people out. then i told her she is in no position to give me advice on relationships.we got alot of stuff from the grocery store, a magazine, sims generations, gum & a pushpop. so i've had gum x3 today + some pushpop & vitamins. im guessing like 75 calories. but im not really going to count, just exercise off like 600 calories. i almost ate some pirates booty, but caught myself before i did. and today & tomorrow, i can get away with fasting. but we have to go out to dinner tomorrow. my mom was expecting us to object when she told us in the car, but im going to bring my ipod, and my magazine. i really dont understand my parents. at all. and they obviously dont understand me. the only people who do, would be people who read this, which is hopefully no one. everyone else, just sees parts of me. no one knows about ana. i dont talk to rae about my family. zack, he knows some stuff. laura, i dont talk to about my family, or much else actually. or have sleepovers with her. but back to my parents. all my dad does is be an angry white guy, who wears shoes in the house, cargo shorts, striped shirts and his glasses. he plays WoW as soon as he gets home, and does nothing else other than cook dinner, and hang out with my mom watching Old Adventures of New Christine. and my mom just works all day. ALL DAY. everyday. and they dont talk to their friends, or family, or each other.
when im old, i want to live in NYC with Rae, have an attractive, blanish, sarcastic, funny smart bf, live in a nice apartment, have a small pet, own quirky things, go out clubbing, cook, have a computer, ipod, tv with cable, some spare money, nicely decorated, go shopping once every few weeks, and thats it. i dont really care what my job is as long as im happy. and out of the suburbs. and donate to charity alot.
i really dont get how celebrities can spend so much money mindlessly. its appalling.
when we went to best buy, my mom was going to get my dad an alarm clock w/ an ipod dock (he already has one that works, and he doesnt listen to music), a kindle (he would probably perfer his audio books) or a speaker (he already has one, and doesnt listen to music anyways). i would perfer if we lived in a townhouse, and didnt spend so much money on shit. like really, we dont need 5 bedrooms, a wine storage room, a library and fancy china. i would be content with a bathroom, kitchen, treadmill, bed, tv, minifridge, microwave and a computer.
but its kinda stupid, how just now, after a year, they finally come back to us on getting a dog. i dont even want one at this point. its so much work, and they'll probably just make us do everything, fuss over the dog, bother us about it and shit. and i dont want to have to pick up anyones shit, or leave the house into herndon to walk the thing. i just want a chinchilla.
and my mom is downstairs just walking around.
now im upstairs, watching true life, and my mom just came upstairs. i had a feeling it was coming. i got up here, and the slice of pizza i put in the cabinet was on the table. i think i should write a transcript of what she said
"im starting to get concerned about your lack of eating, drinking a lot of soda and exercising alot. you have lost a significant amount of weight in a short period of time, and im getting concerned."
im shocked she noticed. but to me, it doesnt seem like ive lost that much weight. i see myself everyday, and i dont even see that much of a difference. i only exercised like 130 calories now, and im going to go more once they're gone. and how can she say i havent been eating, because yesterday,she saw me getting a bowl of cereal, and asked if i had gotten food when i was eating pizza. i have to do a better job. she confronted me the first time as well, so i dont know...
i keep thinking about it. i dont know, it keeps coming back to this. but i hope high school will be better. but i have some suspision that it wont be. and that scares me. it really does. i hate leaving the house so much, because i have to face reality. but when im on my computer, and watching movies or whatnot, i feel like im someone else, somewhere else, in different circumstances. im going to install sims generations now. kbye.
sims didnt install, but they're gone now. so sleepover & treadmill for me. i need to somehow leave evidence that i've eaten... hmm. once the movie is over, im going to reorganize the pantry and "get something to eat" i just hate having shit food in there, like A1 sauce, macaroni salad and shit that no one eats or is disgusting. so, yeah. i also just realized that i have to go out for dinner tomorrow. ill probably get spaghetti or something. something big so they cant tell how much ive eaten. and ill get some water. so thats like a 1.5 day fast.
totally chilling right now. made some kool aid, cleaned the pantry. watching project runway.
my parents need to leave the house more often. havent eaten solids all day, and i dont really want to. food just seems so gross to me right now, i dont even want to bother with it. tomorrow, im hoping for 111.5. cleaning burns like 270 calories, and ive burned 400 on the treadmill. ive probably eaten like 170 or so, so -500 intake for today is pretty boss. might walk some more later, but i really dont feel like it. but i made some kool aid. pretty boss. it takes so much splenda, but its so rewarding. very tasty. & 0 calories. i love you splenda.
my mom called, trying to get me to come. and she asked if we wanted mcdonalds. and she asked what i ate. i took the mac & cheese, stuffed it in a wheat thins bag, and put it in the bottom of the trash, while the container is on top. #trickayyy. hardyhardyhar. k, i think ima get more kool aid, recycle & go upstairs.
so at the harbor tomorrow. ill get a cup of soup, and water. and maybe try some appetizers if mom and dad get suspicious. i was looking at the harbors website, and alot of them have soup. its really lowcal, and i can just get a cup of it. sounds good. hopefully they wont want dessert. i can get away with 250 for the day, if they dont want dessert. but ill be back on track for the next day. its 10 44, and they still arent back. im quite surprised. they need to leave more often. more koolaid now.
feeling high off life right now. i love feeling tired. and i just realized, i can probably only get to 105 before camp. even watching what i eat alot, i wont be able to avoid the gain. hopefully, i wont go over 110, but if i do, i need to get my ass in shape. i dont think ill go out as much as i said i would. i like not seeing anyone.i can avoid eating with laura, but not with rae. it would have to be a sleepover with rae, and a binge, a binge would put me off track for a week. so ill just need to get my ass in shape so i can watch movies w/ rae. maybe not kings dominion though. i just cant see it happening. for some reason, i just dont picture it. like going to "field day" @ school...
